Drinking Coffee Until I'm Higher than Jesus

Or Did Lennon Already Do That? How about Lenin?

Published on June 3, 2004 By blogic In Humor

Man oh man, I sure love coffee. Nothing beats a good coffee high. To understand it, picture yourself in the mirror. Now imagine that there's a starry background behind your head. Now imagine yourself fading in and out, mystical like. Finally, imagine yourself saying "The Coffee extends life. The Coffee expands consciousness".

Actually, that's the beginning of "Dune", which is an intensely crappy movie, and that's coming from the guy who liked "10.5", last weekend's earthquake movie. But that description (um, look at the end of the previous paragraph) really does describe how I feel about coffee. When I drink coffee, I'm the king of the world, and the emperor of the universe. When I'm on my coffee high and I concentrate on something, I expect words to appear on the page of my life, saying things like "Mordor's gaze turns West". Well, except me being me, that would be more like "Mordor's gaze turns to the Internet", or something like that.

So you can imagine, nothing is worse than when coffee stops having an effect on me: that's always a sign that I'm drinking too much. Like a heroin addict, I keep increasing my hit, trying to feel a diminishing high.

Well, it's gone too far; so I'm temporarily giving up coffee. I mean, this is just stupid. I'm spending all my time drinking coffee, doing the Dew, and popping vivarins, and I still might as well be going to sleep.

So I'm ready. This is where it stops. I'm stopping the caffeine until the headaches go away. I don't care what weird shadows I see moving in the mint green paint on my bedroom wall. Hell, until I stop trembling from deprivation, I can't even make out those shapes.

Soon, the pain will go away, and I'll feel fine. I look forward to a morning with blue sky and the sun rising over my neighborhood streets; and I'll have no need to reach for that cup.

Then I'll brew myself an enormous pot of the blackest coffee, and feel the terrible power surging through me again, and know that I can shape the world with my thoughts.

Adam

Comments

mikimouse

on Jun 03, 2004

a long thread about someone's love of coffee.....wow. Nice article bud. I love the stuff too, but nothing special. Just plain anytypeanykind will do, as long as the cream is either coffee Mate, of 33% cream milk. Now I want a cup. Thanx a lot...jeesh...

Floozie

on Jun 03, 2004

Can I please have a cup of what you're drinking? This special 'coffee' doesn't sound anything like mine. Have you made up a new euphemism?

Suz

blogic

on Jun 05, 2004

. No, no euphemism. Or at least I'm not going to say so on a web site.

No, seriously, I do make my coffee really strong, stronger than one is supposed to, and I'm drinking on an empty stomach, naturally, after waking up. There's really nothing like that first morning coffee, to shake off the night's cobwebs and make you feel like you're the center of the universe.

Kayles

on Jun 11, 2004

I've become addicted too. And the worst part about it is, I don't care! I love coffee! In fact, I'll be right back........

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!