Killing A-Holes at the Barnes & Noble

The Council of War Begins

Published on June 11, 2004 By blogic In Misc

With impending financial doom in our near future, Jennifer held a war council at the local Barnes & Noble, planning to read Christian money management guides, even though I'm neither good at managing money, nor Christian.

We agreed to meet at the magazine section, on the third floor. Jennifer reads "The New Yorker"; I read "Computer Gaming World". The up escalator to the third floor was broken, so I had to walk up. There was a man walking up right in front of me, along with a guy walking down the broken escalator. The Miss Manners part of my personality (which is also concerned with Slow Walkers and Door Blockers) noticed that the descending gentleman would have been more polite to take the down escalator, which was working just fine. Downbound Guy was screwing up the ascending flow of traffic, for no reason.

Well, nothing to hold a Star Chamber session over or anything... or at least I didn't think so; but the man walking up right in front of me freaked out.

He started screaming at the guy walking down.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON THIS ESCALATOR?"

The Screaming Man moved to the side, ran down the escalator, past me, chasing Downbound Guy. I moved quickly off the escalator and away from Screaming Man, who was kind of scaring me. Meanwhile, everyone on the third floor was turning their faces toward me, and I wanted it to be clear that I was in no way involved.

Jennifer was there on the third floor. As I stepped over to her, I explained that technically The Screaming Man was in the right, and that Downbound Guy had committed a faux paux by using the wrong escalator.

Right then, we heard, "YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE YOU ASSHOLE!"

Jennifer: "Seems like an overreaction."

Comments

MasonM

on Jun 11, 2004

He should have pummeled the guy with a dictionary. Perhaps opened to the page containing the word "direction".

Mr_Frog

on Jun 11, 2004

the words "Ascent" ,"inconsiderate" and "moron" come to mind as well.

-- B

apdelong31

on Jun 11, 2004

That would have been awesome if you had tripped him. Especially if it was a long escalator. AND if he had tumbled over the hand rail and fallen dramatically to his death, which would be by impalement on one of those paperback book racks. Muahahaha.

center

on Oct 02, 2004

Well yes Jenniferl,

My advice is that you stay home when you are not in a fit frame of Mind for Barnes and Nobles. Get a clue and get some rest. You need it. Thank you.

center

on Oct 02, 2004

Well yes Jennifer,

My advice is that you stay home when you are not in a fit frame of Mind for Barnes and Nobles. Get a clue and get some rest. You need it. Thank you.

on Oct 02, 2004

Some people just can't take minor problems like that. I just shrug and move on.

cinnamonbl0pops

on Oct 02, 2004

I'm just wondering why scream at him in the first place? Was he really inconviniencing people?

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